I’m listening in horror to you the way I would watch a car accident

The award for best worst internet blind date of the week goes to the crazy couple the other night. I know the week isn’t over yet, but it’s safe to assume.

The woman must have been reading through a list of things to never ever say on a first date:

“You go ahead and eat. I can’t, I’m like on a diet.”

“My ex and I connected on a physical level, but not like on an emotional level. I mean on an intellectual level. Well of course we connected on a physical level, but that’s not what I meant.”

“I’m very successful and I need to be with a guy who makes plenty of money. Like I was on a private jet last month.”

“I’m attractive, lots of guys like me.”

“The bartenders are listening to me. I’m very entertaining.”

“I’m not sure like I want kids. I’m worried I’ll fuck them up.”

She starts to drop as many f-bombs and “likes” as real words.

“I have like a lot of fucking issues. What are your issues?”

The guy speaks up,

“I have my issues like everybody else, I just don’t feel the need to farm them out on a first date.”

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