You’re trying to make a phone call? I’m sorry that’s not what that phone is for.

I got a new phone a few months ago, a Samsung Galaxy S4. I’m in love. It’s big shiny and I know how to do everything on it except make a phone call. I plug in the headphones it came with and call my mom. I can hear her fine,

“Hello? Hello? Hello?” Click.

I call her back and explain I’m trying to use my headphones. I tell her,

“Don’t hang up even if you can’t hear me, I’m going to try to get them to work.”

I try the headphones again. She can’t hear anything. I press a button on the headset and it ends the call. I call my mom back. Busy. I call back again. Busy. So telling my mom not to hang up may be backfiring.

I gave up on the headphones for awhile, but now with a boyfriend in North Carolina I’m determined to figure them out. I go online to Samsung.com. There’s a tutorial for everything related to my phone except the headset. There’s an explanation for how to turn on your phone, how to send a text message, how to find the internet, but no mention of a headset.

I start an online chat. I ask for headset instructions. ‘Tom’ tells me,

“Would you mind holding for 3 minutes while I look into this for you?”

“Sure.”

“Thank you for holding. There are no instructions. It should just work.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

“Try plugging the headset into another Samsung Galaxy S4.”

“I don’t have another one.”

“I would recommend going to Best Buy.”

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