Indian lunch buffet on crack

I went to a combination Indian engagement and wedding party. There were 500 people there. I’m not exaggerating. Captain and I were at table #43.
It’s the first time I’ve ever wanted to wear a sari. There were at least 200 women in saris and not just everyday saris, super sparkly saris.
It’s hard to say what all happened because it was a little bit like being really far back at a sports game. There were some traditional dances. One performed by just the mothers. The hip shaking sent the crowd wild. 
The party started at 4:30. At 5:00 the DJ told us to sit down. At 5:15 the DJ told us to sit down again. Good luck getting 500 people, on their way to being inebriated, to do what you want. Never mind all the seemingly unattended children. At 5:30 a lot of people were seated. Something happened, but it was too far away to tell what. 5:30-6:30 we were allowed to move around and stand in line at the open bar. Open bar for 500 people. I don’t even want to start adding that up. 
6:45 we were told to sit down. 7:00 we were told to sit down. 7:15 we were told to sit down. I went up to the bar for another drink. The good news is Captain is still on crutches so nobody had to tell him to sit down.

At 7:30 I started eyeing the buffet table. I ask an Indian guy,

“How late does this go?”

“At least midnight if not later.”

“Whoa.” I do the math. He tells me,

“Your wedding parties are long.”

“Yes.” But not 8 hours long. I’m hungry. At 8:30 I ask the woman clearing glasses,

“Do you know what time dinner is?”


“It’s 8:30.”

She looks at me like she’d feed me if she could, shrugs her shoulders and walks away. Captain shouts,

“The buffet is open.”

The 100 people closest to me bumrush the food. I made a conscious decision to wear flats to this party. Even so, I’m still taller than almost every single person in line. I wave to Captain over the sea of hungry heads. Someone’s mom is shoving in front of me. I don’t want to knock down any small Indian women, but I will if I need to.

The food is great. 9:00 time for dancing or sitting next to one’s crutches. 9:15 we call it a night. Good news is we were there for the engagement part of the party and we’ll be going to Atlanta for the 3 day wedding in July. They rented a tiger. Everyone please sit down. 

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