The older regular, who I had the unfortunate opportunity of seeing in his spandex bike shorts, came to the bar last night. He tells me, as usual,

“Come close.”

I nod my head and hold my ground.

“Come close.”

“Yes?”

My feet are planted. He can’t fool me. He declares,

“We have something special.”

“Yes.”

“What I’m giving you right now is not exactly my mating call, but it’s close.”