I’ve got a decent amount of mileage and everything under my hood is in working order

I haven’t had a primary care doctor since I was on my parent’s health insurance. It was only an issue  when there were countries I wanted to travel to that required more than your standard round of vaccinations. Other than that, Planned Parenthood has more than met my medical needs. Until now.

Captain is a fan of the doctor and he’s been wanting me to go. He tells me,

“Everyone needs a tune up.”

“I’m a car?”

“You could drive 100,000 miles without getting an oil change, but it’s not a good idea.”

He’s very worried about my cholesterol. I can’t be the only person in the world who eats mayonnaise sandwiches.

Considering I do have health insurance for once, I might as well see what all the fuss is about. The nurse calls me in. She looks at me,

“Wow, you’re tall.”


She weighs me and measures me. She exclaims,

“You ARE tall.”

“Does that prove it?”

We head into the examining room. She sticks the digital thermometer under my tongue. We wait and wait and wait. Nothing happens. She pulls it out and puts it back in the other side of my mouth. We wait and wait and wait. Nothing happens. She tries again. She shakes her head,

“I’m not getting a signal.”

“I promise I’m alive.”

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