My baby is five! And if she were coauthoring this, she would add that she’s not a baby.

On the drive home yesterday she told me,

“When I’m a high school girl, I’m getting my own house and moving out.”

As opposed to BB who’s current plan is to live with us forever. Maybe we’ll compromise and both will reach some happy independent place somewhere between high school and forever.

High school seems to be the current pinnacle. RB was using her pretend tools to fix a pretend car. Captain asked her,

“Are you going to help me fix up my truck?”

“Do I get to use REAL TOOLS?!”

I pipe up,

“When do you think you should use real tools?”

“When I’m a high school girl.”

“Sure thing.”

At pre-k they start their day outside and it’s getting chilly. RB told me,

“I need gloves.”

“How about mittens?”

“I want GLO-OVES!”

“WHAT?!”

“I want GLOVES PLEASE!”

“OK. If you can put them on yourself.”

“I can.”

She proceeds to stick several fingers in one finger hole. With her other hand she feels the empty fingers. She waves her misshapen glove at me and says,

“This glove has too many finger spots.”

It’s the gloves fault?! It couldn’t possibly be an issue on her end.

And as much as RB is ready to move out, she still wants to be BB, but doesn’t hesitate to get in an all-out brawl if so needed.

Both girls pressed their faces against the same living-room window looking for their grandparents. It soon devolved into screaming and pushing. I remind them,

“We have plenty of windows! You don’t need to fight over the same one.”

BB doesn’t move. She says,

“This is the best one for wiping my nose on!”

Just when I thought I was cleaning all the right high-touch surfaces, I forgot to consider the WINDOWS! Children are GROSS.

For a while now BB has been insistent that she really wants a digital watch. We had already given her and RB perfectly good analog ones years ago. I told BB,

“You already have a watch.”

“It’s too hard to tell the time.”

Last year she studied telling time in school. Captain or I could work on this with her. I opted for the $16 digital watch.

She’s thrilled. RB had a major meltdown. I remind RB of HER analog wrist watch. RB is unfazed.

“I want one with the NUMBERS like BB’s!!!”

“But you can’t tell time with either of them.”

“But I want the same one as BB.”

But there’s no argument for that. I tell RB,

“Sorry, no watch, but your birthday is coming up!” This was more a reminder of presents to come, not that I had any intention of adding a digital watch to the pile.

Today, still watchless, RB put on her ski jacket and pulled out her compass. She exclaimed,

“I can tell you the time! It’s Ten Eighty.”

The compass says it’s Ten Eighty, the gloves have too many fingers, my living-room windows are covered in snot and my 5-year-old is moving out in 9 years. My work here is almost done.