Everybody needs a Yeti Body. Not to be confused with the tumbler

Posted on October 25, 2023 by Good Times with Jess

Wellness. I’m not sure when it became a widespread concept that everyone knows what it means, but BB has more breathing techniques and calm-down strategies than I do.

Wellness isn’t just a concept for her, it’s a class. There’s gym, music, art and wellness.

The closest I may have gotten to it as a kid was a health class, but breathing and mental health were not discussed.

A month ago I had to dismiss BB early for the dentist. She was upset,

“I don’t want to miss Wellness!”

“Why?”

“We’re learning about our Yeti Body.”

“Your Yeti Body?! What’s that?”

“I DON’T KNOW! That’s what we’re going to learn!”

Ah yes. Point taken, but considering the dentist is booked solid for months, Yeti Body will have to wait.

Last spring I stood chatting with a dear friend and her husband, who also have two daughters. The husband mentioned that maybe we should have a girls’ weekend at their condo in New Hampshire.

I’m all for traveling with kids and without Captain, but in this case I’m not sure why I’d leave him behind. I’d rather not be outnumbered.

I voice my hesitation,

“It wouldn’t be that fun taking care of the kids without Captain.”

My friend nods in agreement. Her husband shakes his head,

“No! The two of you, without the kids.”

“Oh! Without the kids?! Yes please!” I’m free all the weekends.

I spent 30 glorious hours away:

Two hour car ride without yelling or tossing anything to the backseat
Gorgeous hikes
Outdoor hot tub
Long delicious dinner out
A sleep in
Uninterrupted coffee
Yoga
Another relaxing two hour drive

And all with great company. I’d be happy to do any one of those things, so to do them all was luxurious. It felt like the definition of wellness, but I’ll run it by BB.

As we got out of the hot tub, I had a moment of concern. We had half an hour to shower and get ready for dinner, but then I realized the only person I had to get ready was me and I’m very cooperative.

When I got home and swept BB into a hug, she asked,

“Were you homesick?”

“Not at all!”

Later I ask BB,

“Did you ever find out what your Yeti Body is?”

“Yes. You get into your Yeti Body when you need to calm down. You smell your soup. You blow on your soup. You smell your soup. You blow on your soup.”

I grab my soup. This is a very effective breathing strategy.

The other day BB came home from school with a story to tell. I’m relaying it to you secondhand and I do not stand behind its accuracy. It should be noted that BB is having the best year yet; she adores her teacher and class.

BB tells me,

“Mrs. Soandso lost her temper today.”

“She did?”

“We were in line and everyone was shouting. She told us a few times to be quiet and no one was listening. Then she yelled ‘SHUTUP!'”

“She did?!?”

“So I turned to my friend L and whispered ‘Mrs. Soandso needs to get into her Yeti Body.'”

You did?!

I really hope BB was this quick with her smart-aleck joke. Her sense of humor makes my heart sing. Maybe with wellness.

“Pink just looks so good on us”

Posted on August 15, 2023 by Good Times with Jess

I bought Weird Barbie! She’s $50. I’m not sure if she’s for me or my kids.

For that price point she should probably be for me, but then she’ll stay perfectly weird and I’ll be missing the entire point of the movie.

BB missed the point of the movie, but that didn’t stop her from loving it! Her biggest complaint was that the ending was sad. I asked her why,

“I wish Barbie went back to live in her dreamhouse.”

Of course BB wishes that. BB has been the core demographic the dreamhouse was marketed for. So much so that BB thinks we need a second dreamhouse. I hope you can see my pained expression from where you are.

According to RB, the point of the movie was to maintain control of the giant popcorn bucket. She accomplished that.

There’s been so much talk about whether or not it’s appropriate for kids. I’m not sure which part of it is concerning. There are references to genitals. My kids know all about those.

As I stood in the ocean chatting with another mom, RB swam up and wanted to swim through my legs. She yelled loud enough for the whole beach to hear,

“Can I swim under your ‘GINA?!”

Then there’s the language. My kids have heard swears before and will hear them again. BB is on a school bus for 45 minutes everyday with kids as old as 10. Which is probably as good a source for new words as the Barbie movie.

So that leaves us with some of Barbie’s themes: feminism, patriarchy, machismo, existential crisis and death. Otherwise known as reality.

I heard some people with kids walked out in the middle and not for a potty break. Maybe they don’t like choreographed dance numbers?

It makes me feel like I’m missing something. I’ll just have to watch it again. Even Captain enjoyed it and he’s only been playing with Barbies for five years.

We’ve been listening to the soundtrack on repeat. All of us. I was at the Cape with the kids and Captain was home listening to it all by himself.

On his way to work he texted me the lyrics to “I’m Just Ken.” The Ken-ergy seems to be contagious and Captain IS very good at doing stuff.

BB’s favorite song from the movie is Billie Eilish’s “What Was I Made For?” It’s kinda angsty for a kid who thinks Barbie would be happy back in her dreamhouse.

And how anyone could be happy with a lifetime of pretending to drink coffee is beyond me.

My wardrobe already erred on the side of pink. It stands no chance now. The pink options are limitless! There are Barbie clothes, Barbie home decor and Barbie dreamhouse scented candles. What does that even smell like? Plastic?

But it does not appear to have influenced BB’s back-to-school fashion choices. She’s going with Doc Martens and wants to dye her hair black.

Only two weeks left to perfect my summer job: Beach. You know I’m good at it.

What do you get when you combine mermaids, barbies, legos and one merdad? My living room

Posted on June 8, 2023 by Good Times with Jess

I’ve been obsessed leading up to the live-action Little Mermaid. A week before the release, I bought movie tickets, mermaid dresses, nightgowns, shell purses, dolls and books.

It’s a magical upgrade to the original and the perfect first movie outing for mermaid obsessed RB.

RB is convinced the mermaids are real and BB is more believing than I would’ve thought. BB remarks,

“I just don’t understand how they got Flounder to talk.”

Somehow the talking crab and seagull are a given.

Reviewers said the movie was a cash grab by Disney pandering to Millennials’ nostalgia.

Sure and I’m SOLD. I loved The Little Mermaid and I love that I can share this new diverse version with my kiddos. I’d be wearing a mermaid dress too, if the youth XXL wasn’t so short.

Yes I bought the Target girl’s size 18 to match BB and RB. The waist was up around my armpits, so I just wore my favorite Mermom tank.

It’s a gorgeous movie and LONG. RB bounced from recliner to recliner. If I have my way, I’ll be watching Barbie in a reclining seat too. I’m as excited for Barbie as I was for The Little Mermaid.

We have no shortage of Barbie dolls, BUT there’s always room in my wardrobe for more pink.

People have asked me if I’m taking the kids to Barbie. It’s PG-13. I may live to regret it, but I’m planning on it!

I thought Ursula was going to be the end of us. Before seeing the movie, RB was terrified of her. She made me hide the 3-inch-tall Ursula doll. But then somehow the ginormous Ursula who filled the entire movie screen didn’t phase either kid. Maybe by the two hour mark they were in a candy-popcorn coma.

I asked RB about it. She said,

“The mermaids are real, but Ursula is pretend.”

And the 3-inch Ursula doll is somewhere in between?

BB, who I can count on to parse every random thing that comes out of my mouth, asks me,

“Why is childhood precious?”

“What?”

“You said childhood is precious. Why?”

“Well… you have a magical brain.”

“A magical brain?”

“Your brain makes your toys come alive, talk, act things out. I remember the day my brain stopped doing that: I had a Barbie in each hand and they couldn’t talk anymore.”

“They couldn’t talk anymore?! But Dad has a magical brain. He’s great at playing Barbies!”

“Dad IS great at playing Barbies.” Who knew?

It’s one of those intangible things I didn’t know about him until we were thrown into the child-rearing trenches. Captain knows his way around Barbie’s Dream House.

Days later BB yells for me. She wants her completed lego sets down from the top of her wardrobe. The last time she played with them they fell apart and her yelling, screaming and crying is why I put them back together and out of reach.

I ask,

“Are you sure?”

BB is in a panic and starting to hyperventilate,

“I need to play with them NOW before the people stop talking!”

“What?”

“You said they’re going to stop talking when I grow up!”

I have never retrieved a toy faster.

The legos are talking. Ursula is hiding in my closet. Barbie is waiting for me to remember how to play with her and I’m shopping for a Merdad shirt for Father’s Day.