Yesterday I went to the dentist. She did a wonderful job. She even showed me new spots to floss: the teeth on the end without a tooth neighbor. Who knew?

 She asks,

“When was your last cleaning?”

“Two years ago? Ish.”

“Hmm. You have a lot of stains. Do you drink tea or coffee or smoke?”

“Coffee.”

“The stains I’m seeing are usually from tea. Are you sure you don’t drink tea?”

I’m sure. I mean I drink the occasional cup of tea say once a month, but I drink coffee EVERY day. If I need to cut out the tea, I will. She continues,

“Do you drink red wine?”

“Yes.”

“The stains could be from that.”

“Uh huh.” At this point my mouth is full of hands and equipment.

“If you cut out the coffee and wine you won’t get these stains.”

Uh. Yeah, no.