No more dirty underwear for me

My roommate and I may have gotten a portable washing machine. It sounded like a great idea when we first thought of it.

It arrives. There is a 75 pound washing machine in the entry way. Somehow it needs to get up to my third floor apartment. My roommate mentions my boyfriend. Yes. That is why I have a big strapping man in my life. BUT he is working and this washing machine is blocking the entire doorway. Somehow, in the 90 degree heat, I manage to get the thing upstairs. Don’t mess with me.

We unpack it. All seems to be going well except that it looks like we need an adapter of some sort to connect it to the sink faucet. I take the washing machine hose and the end of the faucet and walk a mile to the hardware store. The guy at the store is very helpful and seems to know exactly what I need. He starts searching through parts and trying different things on. He keeps trying. Twenty minutes later, he turns to me,

“I’m sorry, we don’t have the parts you need. A plumbing supply store will have it for sure.”

“What do I need?” And he says something about a 15 and 3/4 adapter for the 1/2 inch adapter or some such numerical nonsense. I nod as if I know exactly what he is talking about and leave.

I walk another mile to a plumbing supply store. I hand over the hose and end of the faucet to the guy. He looks at them for a second and hands them back to me. He says,

“You don’t need anything. It should fit just like that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Did you try screwing it in the other way?”

I will now.

I head home feeling silly, but not as silly as that guy at the first hardware store should feel.

I try to screw the hose to my faucet. I turn it the other way than I tried before. It works. Now to get down to washing. Do I leave the sink on the whole time? The instruction booklet doesn’t say. Google and youtube don’t know. I must use the last resort and call the customer service hotline. A foreign guy answers the phone. I ask him,

“Do I leave the sink turned on the whole time the washing machine is running?”

“May I put you on hold while I look into this?”

Five minutes later he returns,

“Hello. Thanks for holding.”

“No problem.”

“What do you mean by ‘sink?'”

We get disconnected. I call back and get ‘Bob.’ At least I feel confident Bob will know what a sink is. Bob asks for the model and serial number of my machine and puts me on hold. Five minutes later he returns,

“You shouldn’t have to worry about turning the water on or off.”

“But then how does the machine get water from the sink?”

“Oh, is this a portable machine?”

Two loads of washing later, I’d say besides the guy at the second plumbing store, I’m the most qualified washing machine consultant around.

If only I had whatever musical instrument this is.

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