It’s try-to-shock-the-bartender day

Bar guests say strange things to me all the time, but last night one guy was going for the record.

He’s a middle-aged guy who comes in every so often. That describes two-thirds of my regulars. Last night he has a couple drinks and eats his dinner. Then he demands,

“Tell me something bad about myself.”

“Tell you something bad about yourself?” I repeat it because I’m not sure I have any idea what he’s talking about.


“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Tell me something bad about myself, anything.”

“I don’t know you.”


“I have no idea what you want me to say.”

“I hit people.”


I walk away. I’m not sure who he hits, but maybe I don’t want to stand too close. He waves me back over and says,

“I want to talk to you down there.” He gestures to the end of the bar where all the servers pick up their drinks for the dining room. I head down there. I know I don’t want to get too close to him, but I also have a blog to write. There’s one server waiting for cocktails. He tells the server,

“Can you give us a minute?”


I pipe up,

“This is the server station. You’re welcome to tell me whatever you want, I’m sure the server would love to hear it too.”

The server mumbles,


The guy who hits people continues,

“I want to shock you.”

“I doubt you can, but go ahead.”

“Guess how many people I’ve slept with.”

“I know men who’ve slept with hundreds and men who’ve hardly slept with any.”

“I’ve slept with four.” He turns to the guy server. “All women.” He turns back to me. “Can you believe that?”

My bar manager pipes up,

“On average, throughout their life, men sleep with five women. According to Esquire.”

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