If the sun doesn’t wake us up a fart gun will

Sorry! Jew here who should’ve been blogging, but it was my first Christmas. It was complete with a 7am wake-up by a fart gun. Yes. A fart-gun. If you’re a four-year-old boy, that is THE gift this year. And the adults love it too. My boyfriend’s dad remarks,

“Gives everyone a little cover.”

(Speaking of my boyfriend. He needs a code name because I’m tired of writing two words. It’s going to be Captain. There’s more to that nickname but we’d be back to the two-word problem.)

Returning now to Christmas:

Santa came and Santa brought a lot of toys that make a lot of noise. So many toys that the adults were taking batteries out of the TV remotes to put into the toys. You know things have gotten tough when you can no longer change what cartoon you’re watching.

Captain, his parents and I were sitting in the new playroom/guest-room at his brother’s house, waiting for the baby to be asleep and for it to be safe to return to my glass of wine and green cookies.

We look around the new room where Captain and I will be sleeping. There are windows everywhere. Captain’s dad remarks,

“There are no curtains.”

I reassure him,

“We’ll be on our best behavior.”

“OH. I wasn’t even thinking that. I was thinking the sun is going to wake you up.”

The actual fart gun is banana scented.

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