The things we do for our white leather couch

Captain and I don’t agree about everything.

He thinks having a humidifier is important. I couldn’t care less. Captain asks me,
“Doesn’t the air feel dry to you?”
My nose produces enough oil for my entire body. I’d probably have to sit in a sauna before the air would start to feel dry.
The humidifier is demanding. The red light flashes all of the time. It wants more water. Never mind that Captain just gave it water 3 days ago. Also the water canisters are very large and our sink is very small. It’s hard to get water in the canisters and not everywhere else in the kitchen.
As long as Captain and the humidifier want to be together and I don’t have to tend to it, bring on the moist air.
Captain had to travel for work last week. I was home alone. Everything was going well until the humidifier started flashing it’s stupid red light. You’re thirsty, my plants are thirsty. Everyone just needs to relax. For two days I walk past the empty humidifier and ignore it.
Day three. Captain will be home soon. He’ll be really happy if the humidifier is running. I decide to refill it. I get water EVERYWHERE. Maybe we don’t need a humidifier if we have puddles of standing water in the kitchen.
I should’ve waited until the day Captain was returning because the humidifier had the nerve to run out of water AGAIN. I filled it again.
Captain gets home, glances at the humidifier and asks me,
“Did you have to fill the humidifier?”
He knows I’m not happy about it. He tells me,
“Thank you.”
“I did it for you.”
“It’s not just for me. It’s good for the couch too.”

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