Getting Bigger – means I need bigger…

Posted on March 28, 2016 by Good Times with Jess

25 weeks pregnant. I’m getting bigger. Theoretically I understand that I will continue to get bigger until I don’t have an extra person inside of me. Realistically, every few days I’m shocked to see that every part of my body is sticking out more.

This lack of control over my body reminds me of puberty, especially as I discuss it with my Little Sister. She tells me,

“My stomach hurts.”

“Mine too.”

“I like candy.”

“Me too.”

“None of my clothes fit anymore.”

“Mine neither.”

I just had to buy a bunch of new underwear. This hurts me because I love underwear. In the past 15 years I have collected over 200 pairs. Some wear out, but for the most part all of my favorites are still around. I occasionally add a few more pairs. Nothing major, but I can’t resist a cute thong with penguins, hot dogs or ice cream cones.

Now faced with needing a bigger size and somewhat concerned about how ice cream cone thongs hold up to pregnancy and postpartum, I’ve made a smart, boring investment in a bunch of plain black underwears.

It does save time. In the morning I’m not wavering between snowflake, seahorse or superman undies. The sooner I pick out my underwear, the sooner I’m sitting on my couch blogging about my underwear.

And for the record, I do own all the underwear variations I’ve named.

I mention my new larger size to Captain. He exclaims,

“Did you get granny panties?”

I hold them up.

“Oh those are cute boy shorts.”

The amount of coverage between the two seems very similar.

I tell my Little Sister,

“I’ve gained 18 pounds. Not all in the bump.”

“Your butt?”

“Yes! I just had to buy bigger underwear.”

“Whoa, that’s drastic.”

Jessica versus Jessica’s hair – the saga continues

Posted on March 21, 2016 by Good Times with Jess

24 weeks pregnant. I take back EVERY pregnancy complaint I have ever made. Every single one. At least for now. I am having an identity crisis.

For the first 10 years of my life I had straight hair:

Tell me you love these shorts.

Then this happened:

Now I have had curly hair for 24 years. TWENTY-FOUR YEARS of perfecting my curly hair. The first five years I spent in a whirlwind of what-the-heck-is-happening-to-my-body: hips, period, boobs, hairy legs, hairy armpits AND CURLY hair.

The next five years I spent realizing that brushing dry curly hair may not be the best way to go and that layers are my friend. I was making progress but it was still Jessica versus Jessica’s hair.

Ten years ago I began to feel like curly hair might be my jam. Then 6 years ago I started getting special curly-hair haircuts and using all curly-hair hair products. I’m owning it. Curly hair is me and it fits my personality: energetic, bouncy and a little all over the place.

Now I’m pregnant. I may be crazy, but my hair appears to be growing in straight. GAH! Who am I?!

An entire head of straight hair would be one thing, but it seems like the front edges didn’t get the hormonal memo. The front is sticking to it’s curly agenda, while the rest of my head gives up and straightens out.

I’m concerned about how this will end, but maybe my hair will be so coated in baby spit-up, drool and poop that I won’t notice.

Fried chicken and chocolate balanced by 3 carrots I ate yesterday

Posted on March 16, 2016 by Good Times with Jess

23 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy books say to stay active and eat well. I’m walking 3 to 5 miles a day and I’m friends with carrots again. I’m also able to read about food.

For the past four months I’ve stayed away from photos of food on Facebook, the prepared foods section of the grocery store and all nutrition chapters in pregnancy books. The other day when it was just my squatty potty and me, a pregnancy food chapter sucked me in. It compared how the same food can be good for you or not depending on how it’s prepared.

I didn’t need a book to tell me this. Plain bread is ok. Bread with a lot of butter or mayonnaise is better.

The book recommends a boneless, skinless chicken breast as opposed to fried chicken. I describe to Captain what I read and sigh,

“Now all I want is some fried chicken.”

“I don’t think that was the purpose of the book.”

It’s not my fault they’re throwing around tasty words like ‘fried’ and ‘chocolate’ in front of a pregnant woman.

I download a prenatal yoga video. For 20 minutes I laze on the couch and stuff M&Ms in my face while a woman in downward dog tells me to breath. This may not be the most effective use of this video.

Portrait of a pretty pregnant woman eating vegetable salad, looking upwards.

I could do this, minus the tomatoes.

But this is what I’m talking about.

Fetus’ first street harassment

Posted on March 10, 2016 by Good Times with Jess

Nothing like a 70 degree day in March to bring all the creepy, obnoxious men out of hibernation.

I’ve been walking around Boston all Winter without being approached by anybody besides the people in vests for various good causes. Yesterday broke that streak.

I head to the park.

“Hey pretty lady, can I walk with you?”

Ignore. A mile later I settle onto a bench and pull out my book. A guy shouts at me,

“Nice hair.”

Ignore.

“YOU’RE WELCOME.”

NO. I do not need to thank you for your verbal harassment.

What part of my pregnant belly makes you think approaching me is a good idea? I have enough hormones coursing through my body right now to tear your head off with my bare hands.

An hour later a gaggle of guys saunters up.

“Hey girl, I like your Sew-KOE-Nees.”

What the heck is he talking about? I glance at my sneakers. Ah Saucony. Wrong pronunciation buddy. You should try not talking out loud.

Still pregnant – 22 weeks

Posted on March 7, 2016 by Good Times with Jess

22 weeks pregnant. The weeks keep adding up. Before this, I had no idea pregnancy was counted in weeks. I had no idea about a lot of things. Supposedly the mole that’s growing on my tummy is normal. As long as it doesn’t start moving around like in Robin Hood: Men in Tights.

Counting weeks makes sense considering one week the Blurry Blob didn’t have ears and now she does. Or we hope so. This may be the one body part the ultrasound technician didn’t mention.

I should be focused on week 22, but my brain keeps jumping all over the place. I sent an urgent email to a friend inquiring about potty training. The good news is that none of my friends are still in diapers and the Blurry Blob doesn’t even need diapers yet.

Pregnancy books have sucked me in. The problem is that plenty of these books are for pregnancy and BEYOND. So one minute I’m reading about second trimester and next thing I know I’m reading about how to discipline your five-year-old. I may have skipped to the back of the book. I can’t handle the suspense.

Decorating a one bedroom condo for a little person

Posted on March 3, 2016 by Good Times with Jess

21 weeks pregnant. I’m working on the baby registry. It’s cuter than the wedding registry, but size wise items are a lot bigger. Cupcake trays and serving platters stack neatly in my cupboard. A stroller, a carseat, a bassinet, a crib, a high chair, a swing, and a dresser do not appear to be stackable or fit in my cupboard. At least the baby will stack on top of all of these things.

If my closet is in the kitchen, the stroller may need to live in the second bathroom. Our skis are already very happy in there. The high chair may live at my mom’s house until the baby decides that I’m not the sole meal machine. And the swing may not exist at all, don’t tell Blurry Blob.

I’m excited to keep things to a minimum and very grateful for our family who’s storing items for us. I have slowly fallen in love with our condo and most of my plants have too. The others died.

There’s no nursery, so I’ve sprinkled baby items and stuffed animals everywhere. There’s a lamb and a turtle in the living room, two turtles, a moose, a bear and a dog in the bedroom and three bunnies in the bathroom. You never know when you’re going to need a bunny in the bathroom.

Last but not least, we want a carpet for the living room. I haven’t felt the need for one until now. Captain and I don’t spend the majority of our time rolling around on the floor, but I hear lying, sitting, crawling and drooling on the floor may be some of Blurry Blob’s favorite pastimes.

We could go neutral, but why would I do that? If my closet is in the kitchen, the living room might as well have an outspoken rug. So this is about to be our condo’s 5’x 8’conversation piece: