Fried chicken and chocolate balanced by 3 carrots I ate yesterday

23 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy books say to stay active and eat well. I’m walking 3 to 5 miles a day and I’m friends with carrots again. I’m also able to read about food.

For the past four months I’ve stayed away from photos of food on Facebook, the prepared foods section of the grocery store and all nutrition chapters in pregnancy books. The other day when it was just my squatty potty and me, a pregnancy food chapter sucked me in. It compared how the same food can be good for you or not depending on how it’s prepared.

I didn’t need a book to tell me this. Plain bread is ok. Bread with a lot of butter or mayonnaise is better.

The book recommends a boneless, skinless chicken breast as opposed to fried chicken. I describe to Captain what I read and sigh,

“Now all I want is some fried chicken.”

“I don’t think that was the purpose of the book.”

It’s not my fault they’re throwing around tasty words like ‘fried’ and ‘chocolate’ in front of a pregnant woman.

I download a prenatal yoga video. For 20 minutes I laze on the couch and stuff M&Ms in my face while a woman in downward dog tells me to breath. This may not be the most effective use of this video.

Portrait of a pretty pregnant woman eating vegetable salad, looking upwards.

I could do this, minus the tomatoes.


But this is what I’m talking about.

Prenatal yoga – once a week seems good enough

Prenatal yoga. Put prenatal in front of anything and it costs at least $5 more than usual.

It’s like wedding stuff. Rental folding chair: not expensive. Wedding rental folding chair: very expensive and if you believe the rental company, choosing the least very expensive chair is a decision you will regret the rest of your life.

My marriage is off to a strong start, despite not upgrading our chair choice.

I’ve never taken a yoga class before. I’ve done many a yoga pose. Movement theater arts classes get weird. Now I have a lot of free time and I’m trying not to spend most of it on my butt.

I’ve taken a sampling of prenatal yoga classes. I found one I like and several that I hope to never stumble into again.

The classes are designed to do no harm to the baby. I appreciate that, but I’m not paying $20 to lie on a mat and focus on my breathing. That’s what I do every night when I’m trying to go to sleep.

One teacher says,

“Thank your baby for coming to class with you today.”

I will not. If I left it up to the Blurry Blob, we’d be sitting on the toilet eating a snack.

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