Baby Bop doesn’t care if I’m naked, but never stop bouncing

There are so many days that I’d love to write a blog and then I remember how exhausted I am. The good news is my IUD is back in place.

The day of the appointment Captain asks me,

“Do you want to reschedule it so I can take care of Baby Bop?”

I call and they tell me that the next available appointment is in a month. The IUD is not super urgent, but it’s nice to think I might need it once in the next month.

I put Baby Bop in the front pack, which has a 99% chance of inducing a nap. I have a theory that she’ll nap on the way to the doctor’s office, then she’ll be content for a few minutes while they pop the IUD in and then we’ll all live happily ever after.

Baby Bop’s little, adorable eyes peer up at me the entire 30 minute walk to the office. We arrive for my appointment and she’s ready for a nap.

The nurse tells me,

“Undress from the waist down and sit on the table. There’s a sheet there to cover you.”

I know this drill. I’ve done it a million times before. I can’t see my vagina, but the doctor can. Whatever. I usually go along with this. But today I have a baby who will not.

I’m in the exam room in a shirt and socks. Do you have a good mental image of this? I’m in a shirt, socks and my bare butt is jiggling up and down as I bounce a deteriorating Baby Bop.

The doctor comes in,

“Oh! Oh my! Let me get you a gown.”

“It’s ok. I’m fine. I just need to bounce my baby.”

“Here’s a gown.”

I really don’t understand. I’ve seen my vagina. The doctor has seen and will see my vagina and Baby Bop has definitely seen my vagina. We could all just relax and keep bouncing.

The doctor is practically putting the gown on for me. She asks,

“Would you like a nurse to hold your baby while we put in the IUD?”

“YES! Thank you.” First helpful suggestion. The doctor walks off with Baby Bop. The doctor comes back without Baby Bop. My mom adrenaline starts to pump,

“Please have the nurse come in here with my baby.” Don’t make me go running down the hall with my butt hanging out.

The nurse and Baby Bop enter. The doctor declares,

“Your pregnancy test was negative.”

“Great news.”

“Do you like being a mom?”

“Oh yes.” But that is a far cry from liking it so much that I want to make another baby right now.

The IUD goes in. My pants go back on and Baby Bop returns to me having done almost zero fussing. She’s fast asleep for the walk home and I’m fast asleep minutes after Captain gets home. My IUD does not need to be tested right away.

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Bouncing at home.  I don’t really have time to wash my hair AND put it in rollers, this was a one time event for family photos. And the good news about the family photos is you can’t hear Baby Bop crying.

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