I sent my DNA to 23andMe. I waited as my spit traveled through the multi-step process. I ripped open each incoming email:
- Kit registered
- Sample received
- DNA in queue for extraction
- Genotyping your DNA
- Reviewing your genetic data
- “Results for Jessica Curtis are in. A world of DNA discovery is waiting.”
I was excited. Too excited. After hearing so many crazy genetic stories about people finding long lost relatives, I had myself convinced I was going to learn something other than that I’m 50% Jewish and my parents are exactly who I thought they were.
One close relative, my mom, was listed and after that just 2nd, 3rd and 4th cousins.
I’m not sure who I was hoping to find, but confirmation of who my mom is wasn’t a surprise. She’s the one who bought the kit for me in the first place. 23andMe offered a look at my connections,
“We detected close family: Mother (predicted). Would you like to connect?”
Thanks. I’ll text her.
Then I got a little bit excited again when I browsed the genetic traits category. The first one was,
“Less likely to be able to match a musical pitch.”
That’s so me! Back in the day my piano teacher said the good news was I wasn’t completely tone deaf. The bad news is BB only wants me to sing when she’s going to sleep. Any other time I get asked to be quiet.
My excitement started to wane after that. There was:
- Less likely to have flat feet.
- I have flat feet
- Likely little baby hair.
- I had plenty.
- Likely to get motion sickness.
- Sometimes, but really only when cleaning toilets below deck on rough seas.
- More likely to be afraid of heights.
- I’ve been sky diving no issues.
- Likely at least a little unibrow.
- That one’s correct.
It started to feel like a horoscope. I could easily believe in it if I wanted to or not. It did say I have a 43% chance of developing type 2 diabetes.
That isn’t a complete shocker because for whatever reason my blood sugar was on the high end at the start of this pregnancy. I laid off the several powdered donuts for breakfast, soda for lunch and chocolate for afternoon snack. That seems to be helping for now so I added the chocolate back in.
It also said I’m likely to wake up at 8:11am. Before BB I was likely to wake up at 10am and now that BB exists, 7am is all I get. I’ll let her know that 8:11am would be ideal based on my genetic makeup.
Supposedly I’m likely to consume less caffeine than average: 17mg less. That’s an 8th of a cup of coffee. I’ve been helping myself to that additional splash to make up for not sleeping until 8:11am.
And fun fact, I have a gene that is common in elite, power athletes, which may be why I was able to bounce BB for as long as I did.
Captain has a kit waiting for his spit. So if BB ever decides to submit her DNA she’ll have at least 3 close connections to contact if she’d like. And hopefully just as little excitement.