Pets | Good Times with Jess

What just happened?!

I have no issue with the three feet of snow, especially considering we didn’t lose power. The most challenging part was the third snow day.

I was mentally prepared for one. Then when we woke up Monday morning, I was mentally prepared for Tuesday to be a snow day too. But Wednesday really blindsided me.

Then someone said they didn’t think it was safe to go back Thursday.

It is NOT safe for them to stay home. They are at each other’s throats. I sent them outside Tuesday and I could still hear them screaming at each other.

Granted the first time I sent them out, they got stuck and were screaming for help.

They went out Monday as soon as the wind was dying down. It took them 20 minutes to make their way from the garage to the front door. The door could not be opened because of the three feet of snow.

I yelled through the closed door,

“Go back to the garage!”

They made it halfway and then there was more screaming. I had to put on my snow pants and rescue RB. They marched straight into the house. BB yelled at the living room,

“Alexa! Why did our mom send us out in the blizzard?”

“If you’ve been cooped up inside because of a blizzard, she probably wanted you to get some fresh air.”

BB nodded.

Everyone is much more amenable with Alexa than they are with me.

I didn’t want anyone to miss a moment. I tell them,

“This is the biggest snowstorm of our lives! I don’t know if we’ll ever see a bigger one!”

“Can we stay in?”

“Yes, but we’re going out tomorrow!”

The next day I spent hours shoveling the two front steps. My children tried to frolic nearby, but could only stagger around. BB struggled through snow up to her waist and RB tried to stay in BB’s footsteps or else she couldn’t go anywhere at all.

BB came to me,

“I hate to say this, but this is too much snow.”

“I know.”

“I would rather have seven to eight inches.”

Anything less than two feet is starting to sound very reasonable.

And not to go on and on about Heated Rivalry, but I need you to know I traded in ESPN for HBO Max. I feel very good about this.

My targeted ads know full well what I’m up to. My ad stream looks like this:

Cat litter box
Cat tree
Cat litter box
Sex pillow
Cat food
Cat litter box
Sex pillow
Cat tree
Sex pillow

After watching, rewatching and rewatching Heated Rivalry, I know full well that this sex pillow does not need to be for HER. There are a couple hockey players who would enjoy it too.

It took me an absurd amount of mindless scrolling to realize these weren’t just regular pillows. I told Captain,

“Litter boxes and sex pillows have taken over my feed.”

“Two things I never thought we’d have.”

Huh.

I’m not surprised he never thought we’d have a litter box. But a sex pillow? Doesn’t seem so far fetched.

We now own a litter box, a cat tree, a cat bed and many, many pillows. They’re just waiting for their chance to identify as a sex pillow.

If all goes well, our new, fluffy, baby kitty will be arriving after we get back from Austria. And believe it or not, we’re all excited for MORE snow.

Sending my children out into the blizzard.

I don’t know who’s more photogenic, the plow or our house. This is also the moment that our mailbox got plowed back in after we’d cleared it out.
I’ve decided we don’t need mail until May.

I’ve had many pets in my life: three dogs, one parrot, two chickens, one rabbit, one cat and several fish.

Much to BB’s consternation, all she’s had is one dog who died when she was two.

She’s desperate for a pet.

The family decision is that two years from now, when all our extra money isn’t going toward pre-k or kindergarten, we’ll get a dog.

Two years is a long time. BB found me in the kitchen and presented a large caterpillar.

“I’m keeping him for a pet.”

If by keeping him, you mean keeping him outside.

Then yesterday she fell in love with two garden snails: Swirly and Speedy. She begged and begged and begged to keep them.

Speedy is not a name you might expect for a snail, but Speedy has proven themselves worthy.

Speedy prefers they/them pronouns considering they’re hermaphroditic. Put any two snails together and you can get baby snails. Or so says Google. Yes I’ve been doing my snail research.

I haven’t seen any snail hanky panky yet, but there’s still time.

BB presented her sand pail with her snails and pleaded her case. My initial reaction was,

Absolutely not! They belong in the wild and we’re not buying a terrarium.

Then it turned out we already had a terrarium, with dirt in it nonetheless. It became impossible to say no.

Next thing I knew I was cutting up strawberries for Swirly and Speedy and misting their habitat with water.

I wouldn’t think twice about them out in the wild, but now I fear for their life. I would like to say no pet snail has ever died on my watch.

And that’s why we’ll be releasing them in a week.

It’s either that or take them sailing to Martha’s Vineyard.

As excited as my in-laws would be for us to show up on their boat with the addition of a terrarium, I’m not convinced these are seafaring snails.

Don’t even talk to me about looking into snail-sitting.

If Swirly and Speedy want to stay close by, then maybe we’ll see them again. If not, I wish them the best and pray for whatever new wild animal BB gets her hands on next.