This is 43! My passport is renewed. I’m ready

What a birthday month!

I do not know how to have the kids home and be on vacation and be working and be sailing and be beaching and be blogging.

I got it all done except for the blogging. So here I am. I didn’t forget about you. I never would/could. Someone will have to claw the keyboard out of my old, withered hands.

It will be like taking away my car keys. Until then I’m clinging to my early forties.

A 38-year-old beach friend was surprised to learn I was turning 43. She looked me up and down and said,

“So there’s hope for me!”

Which I have 100% taken as a compliment, but also, how much aging does she expect to incur in five years?

BB turned nine! It’s her last year in single digits. She is quickly moving into her tween years. She’s still wearing a Rufflebutt swimsuit, but I was told this is the last year for that.

I’m still wearing a string bikini, someone can tell me when it’s my last year for that. Maybe my 5-year younger beach buddy.

As I put RB to bed she asked her usual litany of random unanswerable questions, like:

“Why is that calendar with the chickens still here?”

“I don’t know. This is my brother’s room.”

“Didn’t you play in here?”

“Yes, but mainly in my room with my barbies and American Girl doll.”

RB turns to me in shock,

“They had American Doll Girls in the OLD DAYS?”

The old days? Yup. They did.

RB shakes her head. She seems to have forgotten all about the perplexing chickens.

Captain is on the verge of turning 51, so he’s really from the old days.

He just bought a new pair of shoes and I said,

“Those look spiffy!”

“SPIFFY?!?”

“What’s wrong with spiffy?”

“Sounds like a compliment for a guy in his sixties.”

Oh. Hmmm.

He took his brand-new, white shoes and we went sailing for a week. The sibling fighting may have aged us more than a week, but other than that it was amazing.

One of their favorite fights to have is,

“She’s LOOKING AT ME!”

If they have this fight on a huge, wide-open beach, you can imagine how many looks there were on a contained sailboat.

Most looks were mitigated with a bag of potato chips.

This is the wisdom I’ve gained in old age, don’t underestimate the power of a snack.

I’ve also learned that I can beach and work. Sail and work. Parent and work is trickier. And apparently I cannot blog and do any other tasks.

I’ll talk to you in August, before or after Captain gets one year closer to being genuinely spiffy.

P.S. BB is now proofreading my posts… so that’s how old we really are.

I think the dolls are making him look younger, but it’s hard to say.
Birthday Lobsta!

Back to school! Roger that

School!

On the drive home from pre-k yesterday RB told me about all the wonderful things she did,

“There’s jewelry! And I wore it ALL.”

Then she stopped and whined,

“M in my class gets to go to school every day.”

“You get to go to school every day too.”

“I do?!!”

YES YOU DO!

Two weeks ago as we dug our toes into the sand for a few final beach days, RB stood next to me and said,

“I’m ready to go home.”

“Ready to go home? We just got to the beach!”

“I have schoolwork to do.”

“You do?”

“I have soccer, ballet, swimming and schoolwork!”

I don’t know what summer schoolwork she thought she had for pre-k, but she’s taking her schedule very seriously.

And these pre-k teachers mean business. RB offered,

“During circle time D asked me if my shoes were velcro, but I refused to answer him because the teachers were talking and we’re supposed to listen.”

If anyone likes a good set of rules, it’s RB. She may or may not abide by them, but she loves to hold everyone else accountable.

She’s fast approaching five years old and any visible signs of babyhood are long gone, like her delicious, oh so munchable, squeezable, to-die-for, thigh rolls. When she was a baby/toddler I’d love her up, squish her legs and say,

“Oh I love these chubby bubbies!”

It became our thing. So much so that by the time she was four, and her chubby bubbies weren’t so chubby anymore, I’d give her kisses on her cheek, a big hug and then start to walk away. She exclaimed,

“Hey!” And lifted up a leg. I had NO IDEA what she was doing. I just stared. She continued,

“Do you want a chubby bubbie?”

“I DO WANT a chubby bubbie!” At which point I squished and munched it right up. Children are delicious. (Especially when I’m home alone writing about them in peace.)

Then I started to walk away. RB shouted,

“Do you want the other one?”

“YES I DO!”

So our thing became a hug, kiss and several thigh squeezes.

Most nights I snuggle RB to sleep. I only have patience for this because I stroke her arm five times and she’s asleep. This week she stroked my upper arm back. Then she squished it. Then she murmured,

“You have chubby bubbies too!”

So I do.

The weekend before school started we squeezed in one last sailing day. There’s a radio on the boat which is used to call marinas, other boats or the yacht club. People use specific radio language. Like: over, out, roger, etc.

Roger means: I received and understood your message. My kids have been listening to this without comment for years.

After a final beautiful sail for the season, we returned to our mooring. RB was bouncing off of the rails and knew we needed to radio to get off the boat. Annoyed she yelled,

“Can someone call Roger?!”

And we did.

Now my babies are off! Third grade and pre-k. As I walked RB up to drop-off this morning, she looked annoyed she couldn’t shake me. She stopped and said,

“When you drop me off for high school you DO NOT need to walk me in.”

ROGER.

Best sailing sisters ever?

What a week! We sailed, we ate, we swam and when the kids weren’t fighting they had an amazing time too.

Areas of disagreement for BB and RB include but are not limited to:

  • She looked at me.
  • She touched me.
  • I want quiet.
  • That’s mine.
  • How come she gets…?
  • She had two lollipops today and I only had one.
  • She’s taking my fries.
  • She’s taking my drink.
  • She’s following me.
  • She won’t play with me.
  • Why won’t she play with me?
  • She won’t leave me alone.
  • I love my sister so much I’m going to smother her in hugs and kisses until I really piss her off.
  • I want to grab the rope!
  • I WANT TO GO FIRST.
  • IT’S MY TURN TO GO FIRST.
  • We both despise sunscreen application, but I might die if I DON’T GO FIRST.

Nothing beats waking up and going to sleep on the water. There were many moments of the trip when I could envision living on a boat again. Maybe when our children don’t rely on us for housing.

Expectations are slippery things. Before the trip, the general consensus was that if we all managed to sail for a week last year and now everyone is a year older, then we’re all set for this year.

I agree that at 42, still clinging to my early forties, I’m in a very similar sailing condition to last year. I’ve stopped saying Captain is 49 and started saying he is almost 50. Aside from his vague expressions of alarm about that, his sailing condition is also the same as last year.

BB, now eight, is ever more independent and capable. Four-year-old RB is convinced she is just as capable as BB and in many ways she is.

The main difference I see from last year to this year is that last year RB took a reliable two to three hour afternoon nap and this year she didn’t. That’s two to three MORE hours that BB and RB got to spend with each other in an enclosed space. I should consider myself lucky that no one started throwing poop at each other like monkeys in captivity.

And there was poop to be thrown. RB was very willing to pee in the boat toilet, but by day three it was apparent she was refusing to poop.

In my best poop voice, I warned her that I wanted to come out and would come out no matter what at some point. I’ll make anything talk if it means furthering the cause.

RB wasn’t hearing it. On day four it came out in her bathing suit and I dumped it overboard. If you saw a large floater on your way to Martha’s Vineyard last week, you’re welcome.

RB then decided it was okay to put the rest of her poop in the toilet and was rewarded with a lollipop. Don’t worry, BB got one too.

RB does not allow anyone to help her with anything, like climbing in and out of the dinghy, If you do, she yells,

“I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT!”

She is also convinced she can paddle board. BB actually can. She did really well this year. RB struggled but persisted despite the paddle being twice as big as her.

One night, at a large restaurant on the harbor, BB was complaining,

“I really want a lemon.”

“You can go up to the bar and ask for one.”

BB shook her head. RB perked up and said,

“You can ask the bar for a lemon?”

“Yes.”

“Do they have cherries?”

“Yes.”

Without further ado, RB was out of her seat and marched herself toward the bar which was way over her head. She walked right past it.

I stayed at our table and kept an eye on her. She headed for the front of the restaurant. She was somehow directed to the general manager. I saw their heads bend together. He disappeared. He returned with a brand-new jar of cherries and scooped a bunch into a cup for her. She returned triumphant.

BB, not to be outdone, headed to the bar. She no longer had any interest in a lemon and asked for a cup of cherries.

This was in addition to the cherries on our nightly ice cream sundaes. I am never so well fed as the week we spend sailing.

Sibling rivalry aside, it was an incredible trip and I’m the first one to blog about it, so there.

Morning coffee vibes!
Underway!

Gone sailing, again!

My dear pet snails are back in the wild and we sail away today for a week. I’m stocked up on vomit bags, coloring pages and coffee. The iPads are updated. My children haven’t seen them in three months.

Yes, I understand it’s possible for an impatient 4-year-old to sail for eight hours without an ipad, but even if I were that masochistic, it does not meant I want to inflict undue suffering on my in-laws.

I learned a lot last year and I’ve tweaked my packing: fewer clothes and more potato chips, smaller towels and more wipes, and shiny new pencils in pairs. I will keep the sibling rivalry to a low hum if at all possible.

I also packed MORE COFFEE and shelf-stable milk. Mornings on the boat are my absolute favorite time of the day.

My kids may go into a screen-time detox at some point, but I will not go into caffeine withdrawal. Nor should those two ever happen at the same time.

Rhode Island to Martha’s Vineyard and back again! Heave-ho!

Seafaring snail dudes summer at the Cape

I’ve had many pets in my life: three dogs, one parrot, two chickens, one rabbit, one cat and several fish.

Much to BB’s consternation, all she’s had is one dog who died when she was two.

She’s desperate for a pet.

The family decision is that two years from now, when all our extra money isn’t going toward pre-k or kindergarten, we’ll get a dog.

Two years is a long time. BB found me in the kitchen and presented a large caterpillar.

“I’m keeping him for a pet.”

If by keeping him, you mean keeping him outside.

Then yesterday she fell in love with two garden snails: Swirly and Speedy. She begged and begged and begged to keep them.

Speedy is not a name you might expect for a snail, but Speedy has proven themselves worthy.

Speedy prefers they/them pronouns considering they’re hermaphroditic. Put any two snails together and you can get baby snails. Or so says Google. Yes I’ve been doing my snail research.

I haven’t seen any snail hanky panky yet, but there’s still time.

BB presented her sand pail with her snails and pleaded her case. My initial reaction was,

Absolutely not! They belong in the wild and we’re not buying a terrarium.

Then it turned out we already had a terrarium, with dirt in it nonetheless. It became impossible to say no.

Next thing I knew I was cutting up strawberries for Swirly and Speedy and misting their habitat with water.

I wouldn’t think twice about them out in the wild, but now I fear for their life. I would like to say no pet snail has ever died on my watch.

And that’s why we’ll be releasing them in a week.

It’s either that or take them sailing to Martha’s Vineyard.

As excited as my in-laws would be for us to show up on their boat with the addition of a terrarium, I’m not convinced these are seafaring snails.

Don’t even talk to me about looking into snail-sitting.

If Swirly and Speedy want to stay close by, then maybe we’ll see them again. If not, I wish them the best and pray for whatever new wild animal BB gets her hands on next.

There really are a lot of great snail images. It was hard to choose.

Sailing sailing over the ocean blue

We sailed close to the wind, hit rough waters, turned a corner and stayed the course! It may be possible to write an entire post in nautical lingo without even scraping the barrel. But I’ll stem the tide.

It was an amazing trip! RB saved her blowout, make-me-want-to-look-for-a-ferry meltdown for the last day, a few hours sail from our car.

BB and I get seasick, but it hasn’t stopped either one of us yet. Last year BB sprayed the side of the boat blue when her frozen slushy resurfaced.

I came prepared with plenty of vomit bags and after the first two days I was worried I hadn’t packed enough.

With a storm headed our way, we left Newport and sailed straight past our original destination. We headed to the second night’s harbor, hoping for a good place to weather the storm.

BB and I took turns throwing up and RB took a massive four hour nap. The first sign that maybe it wasn’t a mistake to take her along.

We had a lovely dinner on land and went to sleep on the boat very happy. We woke up on our mooring rocking and rolling. The storm had arrived and rain was pouring down. I went up on deck, stood there with BB while we stayed somewhat dry, and threw up in our bags.

RB was in iPad heaven and never showed a single sign of being bothered by the motion.

The options for the day seemed to be: get on the launch boat in the pouring rain and get to land or stay on the boat and continue to vomit.

We got on land, got coffee and got a more peaceful mooring. Dinner was in a boat house. The kids were free to run laps. Captain was concerned about the anchors and other random sharp objects they might run into. I was concerned about having them at our dinner table.

The next day we set sail for Shelter Island and from there on in we had seven days of sun and smooth sailing. Every beautiful sunset, fun activity, good meal, made me very glad RB and I took our chances. And that my in-laws took a chance on us!

RB is now a restaurant going pro. At one point the server had barely introduced themselves and she was shouting,

“Lemonade!”

She might’ve just as well yelled “make it a double!”

At another we had just arrived at, I saw the server bend his head toward her, but I couldn’t hear what RB said. The server continued to welcome us to the restaurant. I asked him,

“What did she say to you?”

“She ordered buttered pasta.”

Perfect. Really the only thing different about each restaurant’s kids menu was the order of menu items: Hot dog, chicken fingers, pasta or maybe chicken fingers, pasta, hot dog.

At night I slept with RB in the V berth and Captain and BB took the center berth. It was very comfortable and snuggly, especially compared to the narrow bunk I had when I worked on a boat.

The boat is like one giant SNOO and RB and I fell asleep quickly. At home I sleep with no children and I don’t usually hear from either kid all night.

Several nights in on the boat RB woke up at 2am screaming,

“My blanket! Straighten my blanket!”

Normally I wouldn’t comply with a 3-year-old shouting orders at me, but bleary with sleep I’d do just about anything to make her stop. I smoothed the blanket.

3am. Screaming again about the blanket. I smoothed it.

4am. Screaming. Blanket. I took it away.

No blanket is worth this torture.

Captain got himself a 12-foot paddle board for his upcoming birthday and strapped it to the boat. The plan was to paddle around the harbors in the evening. As we pulled into Shelter Island, the sea was glassy, the views lovely and then we looked into the water. Jellyfish EVERYWHERE.

That was NOT going to be the spot of my first paddle boarding attempt.

Two days later, in Three Mile Harbor, Captain made it look easy. Then he took BB out on it too and made it look even easier. Then I tried it, thinking I was going to make a massive fool of myself. I wanted to do it away from an audience of my closest beach friends.

It was much easier than I thought! I didn’t add any kiddos to my board and I can’t imagine why I would do that.

RB said no at first, but soon changed her mind. She said,

“I want to do it! I’m getting to be 6 you know.”

She’s 3.5.

One morning our engine wouldn’t start. At work Captain has a report who often remarks,

“We’re dead in the water.”

As Captain and his dad worked on the engine, I lounged nearby sipping my ice coffee. I couldn’t help myself, but inform Captain,

“We’re dead in the water!”

Last stop was Block Island. That harbor is a scene. There’s a coffee boat. It’s like an ice cream truck but a boat, and for coffee, donuts and breakfast sandwiches. I regret not getting a picture. I was too busy drooling over my first hot coffee in days.

As we were going to bed we checked the weather: 50% chance of thunderstorms in a few hours. That would’ve been a great time to close the giant hatch over my and RB’s bed. I did not.

I thought to myself: ‘It’s hot, if I close it, it will be stuffy. I’ll leave it open and if/when I hear rain I’ll close it.’ I pulled the shade closed and passed out.

I awoke to the sound of a torrential downpour on the shade over my head. I couldn’t feel the deluge yet, but it was only a matter of time.

The only thing to do was open the shade, remove the screen and close the hatch over our bed. But that would also mean water pouring out EVERYWHERE.

I sat in bed paralyzed for what felt like an eternity. The water still accumulating in the shade. Captain dashed out of his bed, whipped the shade back, and water poured EVERYWHERE.

I started sobbing. Captain says, and I don’t really remember this, that I just kept saying,

“This is bad. This is bad. This is really bad.”

And it was. The waterfall hit RB mid snore and she came to screaming. Her hair was dripping. Her jammies were soaked. My pillow was soaked, our bedding was soaked, my blankety was damp.

Of all the things I thought to move to higher ground, Blankety was my priority. My child might’ve been a better choice.

Several years ago, while eating a nice COVID dinner outside with a dear friend, a thunder storm swept down upon us. She noted that I rushed the wine inside first, then came back for baby RB sitting outside in her highchair. If those chairs are going to be that high, they should be grounded.

So as I cried on the boat, envisioning no sleep for the rest of the night, a sopping wet RB curled up and resumed snoring.

I put down as many dry towels as I had. I put on dry jammies and set aside a dry shirt for RB. Then miraculously I also went back to sleep. RB woke up a few hours later, I changed her shirt and she went right back to sleep. We both slept straight through until 7am.

RB woke up, looked down at her random, dry shirt and said,

“What’s this? Why am I wearing this?”

It’s a long story.

LESSON LEARNED. If there’s even the most minuscule, chance of rain. I will NEVER leave a hatch open again. Or else I’ll choose a different bed.

Captain offered to switch beds with me. But sleeping with BB means accepting that at some point in the night her feet will be on my pillow and the risk of injury is high.

We finished the sailing trip off strong with a dinner out in matching shirts. I LOVE matching. RB adores matching BB. Other people have mixed feelings about it, so it felt extra special.

All was well until the final sail home. BB and my father-in-law were wearing another set of matching shirts and RB didn’t have one. That and no nap several days in a row was reason enough for RB to lose her mind. After an eternity of screaming, she demanded to be left alone and slept for the rest of the trip.

Now we know the ropes. Sign us up for next year!