Millions of people have survived pregnancy and labor. Some haven’t, but I’m going to focus on the ones who have.

Last night was the first night my full bladder wasn’t the only sleeping issue. I love to sleep on my stomach. Many weeks ago, when I still had a discernible waist, I asked the doctor,

“When will I need to stop sleeping on my stomach?”

“Oh you’ll know.”

That didn’t sound very clinical. The What to Expect When You’re Expecting book offered a suggestion:

“Start sleeping on your side now, so you get used to it.”

I don’t like sleeping on my side. It seems like I’ll have to get used to it at some point so it might as well be not right now.

I continue to sleep on my stomach and forget that I ever wondered about this. Until last night.

I roll off Captain and onto my stomach. Ow. I wiggle around. Ow ow ow. My fetus, the five inch tall person between me, the mattress and a good night’s sleep is saying,

“Hey lady! You’re squishing me.”

“Are you sure?” I wiggle around on my stomach some more.

“I’m sure! That book told you to start sleeping on your side.”

I try one side. I try the other side. I try my stomach again just to confirm. All my tossing and mental arguing with Blurry Blob has woken Captain. He murmurs,

“Are you having trouble sleeping?”

“Yeah, I don’t think I can sleep on my stomach anymore.”

He reaches out to snuggle me and starts snoring again.

I need to convince Captain to let me cut a hole in our mattress.